Like I’ve mentioned to you guys before… we experienced a few, uh, problems the day of (and days leading to) our wedding.
The biggest one (okay, it may tie with the torrential rain…) was the fact that our officiant went totally MIA. I called him about 2 weeks before the wedding to confirm (as he had asked me to)… and nothin’. Not a peep. Not a returned call, not an answer when the phone rang – ZILCH.
To rewind a bit, we (read: I) wanted a non-denominational ceremony, sans-Jesus. He’s an alright guy, but it’s not my style. I decided to look into hiring a Justice of the Peace (wherein I learned that they are no longer called “Justices of the Peace,” they’re “Approved Marriage Officiants” now… who knows). After calling about 3/4 of the county-approved list, I found our officiant. He was going to charge us $50. WINNING!!! Or so I thought.
He’s a little old man, very sweet… I thought he’d be perfect. While I was concerned about the lack of a contract (they don’t do that), I decided to go with it and just play it by ear.
Turns out… that was a risky choice! He told me to call him 2 weeks before the wedding to confirm and talk details (I spoke with him and booked him about 3 months out)… as he didn’t typically book things this far in advance (he usually does quick civil ceremonies — most do).
Two weeks before the wedding, I start calling. Nothing. I leave a message. No call back. One week before the wedding rolls around… I leave another message. Nothing. Call a few times. No answer.
Three days before the wedding I start panicking a bit. I called kinda frantically. Left 3 messages… and started looking for another officiant. Finally, on Thursday afternoon at around 3, I called our original officiant and HE ANSWERED!
I thought my nightmares were over and all would be well but no siree… turns out he had been in the hospital for a few weeks (can’t help but feel bad for the little old man), and didn’t feel up to officiating our ceremony.
Okay, dude. I get that you’re not well… but could someone have CALLED ME!? While we wanted a civil ceremony, it doesn’t mean I’m not a bride and doesn’t mean that I don’t care… and doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t FLIP OUT.
The funny thing was, that after Wednesday before the wedding, I just figured it was out of my hands. Worst case scenario, we faked the ceremony (had a friend stand in or something), went on the honeymoon then got legally married the Monday we got back (at the court house). After my initial panic, I was surprisingly calm.
So after Mr. Old Man JoP cancelled on me a day and a half before I was supposed to get married, I started calling people. Thanks to one of my delightful readers, Kerry, I found our guy! She referred me to her officiant, who was busy (4 weddings that day!) but was able to refer me to another JoP in our neighboring county. His name is Michael DiMatteo (check him out if you’re local to the DC/NoVa area)… and he was FABULOUS. Given the short notice and the fact that he had to travel a bit further, he cost us quite a bit more, but still WAY less than if we had hired any other type of officiant.
Michael met us for our rehearsal, coached us through the paperwork, helped us figure out how we wanted our ceremony to feel and run… and then obviously, married us the next day.
All’s well that ends well, I suppose!
The moral of the story is this: if it’s outside of your control, don’t bother worrying about it. No sense in that.
So, here are a few tips for keeping your cool with wedding-related “surprises”:
- USE your MOH. Assign things to her that you don’t necessarily need to handle. Officiant backed out? Have her make a few calls to help. Florist doesn’t know how to get to the venue? Broke 8 of your 12 vases? MOH to the rescue! She’s obviously someone you trust, so you can trust that she can handle these situations just as well as you could (and this way you don’t even have to KNOW about it).
- Roll with the punches. Once you get up to the day of, or even the day before; there’s not much you can do about little surprises cropping up here and there… so just try not to sweat it. To be honest, you’ll hardly notice/remember anyway. Serious.
- Focus on what you’re doing. Kinda important when you’re getting married. I mean, it sounds like a given… but it’s so easy to get wrapped up in everything being perfect. Forget it. It’s not going to be “perfect,” but it’ll be perfect for you. Promise.
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Jeepers (yes, I did just say that) I would have freaked the F out. But you’re totally right. It isn’t worth stressing out about things that aren’t in your control. Officiant doesn’t show, fake it, party, vacation and hit the court house later. The wedding is just a small part of your entire marriage, which is really the important thing.
My best friend officiated our wedding after getting ordained online. After she checked with our town clerk and I checked with my town clerk, I was still a bit nervous that something would happened and we wouldn’t legally be married. I told Chuck if that was the case, then we’d the the OBX and get married barefoot in the sand. We got our marriage license a couple of weeks later so alls good.
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