I don’t know if everyone experiences this, but I figured I’d share in case I’m not alone.
The wedding’s over. Honeymoon has come and gone (dammit). Reality picked right back up where we left it… we came home from the Dominican to a house that looked like a wedding had gobbled it up and spit it back out… twice.
We opened presents, started (and are still working on) thank you notes, cleaned up messes, went back to work (it hit me like a ton of bricks after almost two weeks off), and got back into a routine.
After a couple weeks, this indescribable feeling crept up on me. As indescribable as it may be, I’m going to try to describe it.
It felt kinda empty. Not negative empty, but more of a “holy shit that really happened?!” empty. Like a void in time, not space (sorry for getting all weird on you, here… I realize how little sense this makes). I started to feel like I didn’t do anything for the wedding, like it didn’t feel like a real wedding, like it was rushed and thrown together (which, if you’ve been reading this blog since May 2010, you know it wasn’t).
There are two main reasons I think I started to feel this way:
- I wanted everything outside, and, well, the reception had to be crammed into a teensy building because of rain. I wasn’t heartbroken then, but I really do wish I had pictures that looked back on an outdoor reception; pictures that look like what I thought they’d look like (this goes back to setting realistic expectations and having a Plan B… and C… and D). I think that by not having a concrete rain plan, I set myself up to feel this way.
- I didn’t do much of the setup that day. Since we moved it inside, my amazing mother spearheaded Operation: Rodriguez Wedding Setup and Take Down. I thought I’d have more of a hand in it. If I had, I think I would have been way more stressed out (Mom, I owe you big time); but again, I expected to get my hands dirty and I didn’t to the extent I had planned.
That being said, there were some details that just weren’t the way I wanted (or expected) them to be, not all of my chairs matched (long story short, the venue had nice wooden chairs, but rental company couldn’t match them so it was an ugly mix), I wanted more candles on the tables, It was hot as HELL, and it flew by (I know everyone who’s married says this, but I swear to you: it’s 100% absolutely positively true).
Now for the turn-around. This feeling is like that feeling you have when you get dressed in the morning in an outfit you think is going to be really cute then you feel “meh.” But, you wear that outfit anyway, and everyone at work tells you you look great. The disparity is in your head. You may feel ”meh” but you actually look great!
EVERYONE we’ve heard from has told us that they had the time of their lives at our wedding. Everyone has said that it wasn’t too hot, that they didn’t notice the chairs, that it didn’t look like we intended to have an outdoor wedding and pulled it inside at the last minute (thank goodness), and that everything was awesome; from the food to the DJ to our dresses/tuxes, to our informal cake, to the dessert table, kegs, the ceremony… the whole nine.
People loved it.
I blame wedding blogs and magazines. The reality, budget brides, is that we spend our time looking at these blogs that show us beautifully staged weddings, great details, etc.
But you know what? When you have a $10K budget, you can’t hire a team of lackeys to set everything up, stage it for the photographer just right. You can’t pay for your venue for 48 hours to have almost unlimited time to set up. You don’t have the money to rent chairs for the ceremony AND the reception (if you’re like us, with 200 guests).
At the end of the day, I think my wedding was a success. But since I filled my head with images of perfection I found on Pinterest and wedding blogs, I walked away (weeks later, not instantly) feeling a little unfulfilled. Not emotionally, but weddingally (yes, I made that word up… keep reading). Could this be a form of postpartum depression? Am I really feeling this way!?
What do you to do combat this wacky, weird, indescribable feeling? Keep on keepin’ on and remind yourself when you get lost in mason jars and glitter that it’s not about the wedding, it’s about the marriage.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I think that feeling is really normal! My wedding was not my “dream wedding” – there is a fake army guy with a giant gun running behind us in our cake cutting picture haha. But I still get compliments on our wedding and we’ve been told that our wedding was what made other couples decide to get married. That really makes me happy. I’m sure no one felt that way about Kim Kardashian’s wedding.
First, I love this post…your honesty is awesome!! I hope your empty feeling leaves you soon. Know that a wedding day is amazing because two people get to come together in front of their closest family & friends! The fun details are the icing on the “I Do” kiss.
Just from following your blog I know your wedding planning process and wedding day was filled with a lot of love. This makes you one lucky Bride..now Wife!!!
I look forward to more of your post. Although, I don’t always comment..I think your doing a fab job!!!
Sincerely,
Brittany Allen
Beautiful Beyond Dreams, LLC
Ah Brittany! Thank you so so so much for the kind words, I appreciate it so much! It’s not an all-consuming feeling, but it’s definitely really weird. It feels like there should have been something more — and I hate that, because honestly, I would have been happy even just going to city hall to tie the knot. Either way, it’s over… thank goodness, and now I can spend my time organizing and planning for other things!! xo
I love this post! This is exactly the sort of thing that brides in the throes of planning the BIG DAY need to read and really internalize. I like to point out to brides… let’s put it this way, in any given day in your life, how many things “go wrong.” The car breaks down, you spill coffee on your shirt, you’re late to a meeting, etc? It’s a fact of life. Just because you’ve dreamed of this wedding day forever, and you’ve tried to make it “perfect” by sheer force of will, it won’t be, because life isn’t like that. There are two important things about a wedding to me: 1. Whatever goes awry, you and your partner for life can deal with it, formulate plan B and roll with the punches while laughing and still loving one another and 2. That your friends and loved ones are there to see how awesome the two of you are, how much you love one another, and what a great team you are!
Agreed! I’ve learned a LOT in the past year to roll with the punches and frankly, if I hadn’t been able to do that and let rain and mismatched chairs roll off my back, my wedding would have been one big ball of stressful hellishness!
I can say I know exactly what you mean. Mine didn’t happen as late as yours though. About mid way through the honeymoon all the emotions of planning a wedding and people in your face 24/7 got to me and I had to let it out. I was standing in our bathroom crying when my husband walked in. Being in a foreign country he panicked and then when he realized I was okay he panicked again thinking I regretted getting married! lol I assured him all was fine. Life after wedding planning takes getting use to. It can be difficult but all the chaos and stress is worth it because of the man standing next to you!
I am not even close to married and I understand this! Great writing Nicole! I will always LOVE and support you blog. In a couple of years when I get married please feature me!