Every once in a while (those onces in a while are few and far between, but they happen), there comes a time when I have to bring the fun level down a notch and talk about some more serious and not always so fun stuff.

One of the things I’ve been struggling with has been celebrating our wedding even though there are a few key people who won’t be present.

Growing up, I was one of those girls who envisioned their perfect wedding.  I daydreamed about dresses and flowers and dancing with my grandfather.  Until college and especially post-college, I wasn’t all that close with my dad.  We butted heads all the time.  Now, it’s different.  We’re quite close, I adore him, and can’t wait for him to walk me down the aisle.

My grandfather (Papa, as all ten of us grandkids called him) was a huge role model and has always stood out in my life as a person of integrity, and furthermore; he exemplifies the kind of love that I strive to give people, and that I’ve always wanted to receive from my husband.  My grandfather treated my grandmother like gold — even better, if that’s possible.

I never even considered the fact that he might not be at my wedding; until, obviously, his health began to deteriorate.  My grandfather passed away at the ripe age of 94 (and lived a fantastic, exciting, wonderful life that was full of family and love and adventures) in January of 2009.  While he took a little part of me with him, I was prepared for his passing and was at peace with it.  While I’m carrying one of his hankies, wearing his wedding ring, and thinking of him on my Big Day, I won’t lie — I’ve cried a couple of tears over the fact that he won’t be able to dance with me to beautiful Spanish music (he was from Colombia), like I always wanted.  He tried his best to teach me to salsa, merengue, and cha cha

The second person that won’t be at my wedding is one of my most dear, best friends from college, Erik.  We served on the e-board for our business fraternity, Alpha Kappa Psi, together and became fast friends.  There was a group of 7-8 of us that were inseparable.  So close.  A fabulous group of people that I would do anything for.

Erik passed away on September 6, 2009 at 8:51am.  He was running the Virginia Beach Rock ‘n Roll Half Marathon and collapsed at mile marker 13.  Erik was rushed to the hospital and pronounced dead upon arrival; he had suffered a massive heart attack.  If you had told me that he, of all people, wouldn’t be around to be at my wedding… I would have flat out laughed in  your face — and probably called you some not-so-nice names.  Erik was SO healthy.  He ran half marathons, 10Ks, 5Ks, mud races… shit, he ran circles around us.  The healthiest by far.

My heart literally breaks when I think about the fact that Erik won’t be at the wedding.  It literally makes me cry every time I think about it.  I am literally crying right now as I write this.  He was so fun loving and amazing.  So full of character and integrity.  And he would do anything for his family and friends.

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